Rough Spots

I had my baby ten days after my last post. She's beautiful! I forget how newborns smell, the adorable things that they do. My son is learning all these things. He's learning how to take care of her, how to bathe her, to be very gentle (told about a five hundred and seventy-five times a day), to wait, to have someone's needs come before his own. He's four, and a big boy now, as he's fond of saying.

The first month since my baby girl was born was really hard. The adjustment as a family was as hard as I expected, but in different ways than I expected. I wasn't the nice, kind, patient Mama I used to daydream about when in my third trimester. Postpartum hormones and new stresses put a damper on my moods and I regret many things I said and a few I've done. However, we learn from these situations too, and I find myself constantly learning. My son has already moved on, but of course it takes me longer to process all the details of the first month and my mind loves to rewind and even do slow-motions. Sound familiar?

That notwithstanding, now we're doing much better. The cliched light at the end of the tunnel is illuminating our path once again. We have emerged as a new family, not only intact, but with a new link on the chain. Brandon is not only learning his ABCs, pre-math, pre-writing, writing, art, music and a myriad of other subjects as he lives and explores throughout the day, but he's learning to share his Mama, to love a sibling, to cope with feelings never before felt and most of all, to grow as a person. He knows he's unconditionally loved, but I don't count on it. My goal is to every day let him know that there's nobody like him in this world to me, and there never will be. I will also do the same with my new baby. If I have accomplished that, I know I will have had a good day.

After having read numerous books on homeschooling, I always thought the term "learning lifestyle" sounded vague and abstract to me. I mean, what is it really? Many book authors have tried to answer this question by explaining that it works for their particular family, each family has their own way of accomplishing this.. OK, but what is it? I never really understood its true meaning until we finally started living it (or have we been living it all along?).

My son is only going to turn four in September. The learning lifestyle to us is simple enough. He wakes up whenever he's ready to face the day, we share breakfast, we talk about yesterday and I give a rough sketch of what we may do today. Mind you, this has nothing to do with "schoolwork", it's just a brief rundown of "we need to go to the grocery store and pick up some bananas later" or "we need to go to the store so Mama can work for a couple of hours and you can see Grandma and Grandpa".

I know, this is not rocket science. But guess what? My son, and each child in the world, is born with an innate curiosity. After breakfast, he wants to do something. Often he'll ask to watch something on TV or play on the computer. I just matter-of-factly tell him that we can do that later, but right now he can do something else. He accepts this with ease, as I never let my answer become dramatic or too long-winded. He chooses from his Lego and Megablocks, puzzle, game or whatever it is and sets to work. Sometimes he'll sit on the couch with a book to look through. I'm always in the background at this point.

Other times he doesn't pick up anything as clearly educational, but just picks up a toy and starts playing. He tells me about his toy, what he imagines the e.g. stuffed animal to be doing. I respond to him cheerfully. Throughout the day we alternate between him having "alone time" (me being always around and responding to his talks, but not really with him) and times where we play or work together. I make it a point to have him help me something every day. Yesterday he was helping me put away clothes in the drawers and helping Daddy cleaning up our bedroom. The day before he helped me clear the dishwasher and helped Daddy make pizza from pizza dough -- yum!

I always tell him honestly what's on my mind. "I wonder how this works" or "I want to know.." and I go ahead and search something in front of him, whether it be in books or on the Internet. I find it easy to model, as I have an insatiable curiosity as well. I also tell him when he's being too loud for me, when his behavior is bothering me and why, and why we put blocks away when we're done with them. I also try to make it fun for him -- making a game out of cleaning up is nothing new. Does Mary Poppins come to mind?

I hear him count things throughout the day, mumble letters to himself, I ask him questions that stimulate his mind, and make it a point to listen to some music every day. We both enjoy classical music. He recognizes many pieces. Daddy shares his love of rock with him and he jumps on the bed in rhythm.

He asks questions and learns, all during the course of the day. When we go to the health food store, he talks to the clerks. So it is at the grocery store, where a cornucopia of visual, olfactory and sensory stimuli await him. Going to the library he picks up a book for himself. At night Daddy comes home. We eat dinner together and Daddy and him watch TV together, first Daddy's comedy show, then something on Discovery or History Channel. A few times a week he plays on the computer on pbskids.org, where he picks up a lot of information. A few times I've rented a ballet concert on video, as he loves watching people dance. We've also been to real performances in the past.

Last week we went to Sea World marine theme park in Orlando, where he had the opportunity to see marine mammals, and made friends with a walrus. He also spent a lot of time with his uncles and aunt, and learned all about being together as a family, and cooperating for a common goal. He also observed Daddy take extra care with Mama being nine months pregnant. When the baby's born, he'll have so many wonderful opportunities to learn.

I think this what it boils down to -- opportunities to learn. Always offer opportunities to learn. Whether your children are four or fourteen, don't ever stop living a learning lifestyle. Don't get bogged down by the curriculum, the "have tos" and forget that life is learning and learning is life. Sometimes that sense of awareness is all you need to bounce back from burnout and start enjoying learning alongside your children again.

When my son is five we're going to start some relaxed reading instruction and more concrete math examples. I find he already knows many, many things without me specifically teaching him (surprise!). I read the World Book scope and sequence for kindergarten and find that he knows most of the requirements already.

The learning lifestyle, whether you exclusively do this (unschooling) or have it as part of your otherwise structured curricula, should be an integral part of whatever homeschooling method you choose. Place it at the center of your homeschooling home and watch wonderful things happen right in front of your eyes.

Photo by Maggie's World

The Magic of Puzzles

Puzzle 001
Originally uploaded by Hoover Family Photos.

My son, 3 and a half, loves puzzles. I'm not talking those chubby-handled baby puzzles, but the 100-piece floor puzzles with lots of bright colors. In his case, the puzzle also has to have as many animals as the manufacturers could fit in a, let's say, 3X3 feet puzzle. Brandon loves animals. Any kind, any habitat, as long as it's an animal. I got him a 100-piece giant floor puzzle from Melissa & Doug for Christmas. As he just turned three a few months earlier, Dad and Grandma were both skeptical that he would take to it. Well, he did, in a big way.

Brandon doesn't just like actual puzzle completing. He enjoys the camaraderie that it brings. Spending quality time with Mama or Daddy turning around pieces, seeing if they fit. He revels in seeing how the colors could be grouped together and patterns form to complete an area. He feels a sense of satisfaction in finding a piece that fits. After we're done, he's proud of a job well done, and he gets to see all the animals that make up the puzzle. Sometimes he learns about new animals in the process.

When we complete the puzzle his job is not done. By himself now, he'll sit for hours and dismantle the puzzle and start all over again. He keeps and eye out for the patterns, colors and animals he sees as he turns the pieces around to fit.

I watch him in fascination, delighted that my intuitive idea of buying him a giant puzzle of his favorite subject worked out in more ways than I'd imagined. Brandon doesn't know that puzzles improve his small motor skills, hand-eye coordination, pattern recognition, lays down frameworks for reading skills and grows his cognitive skills. He doesn't know either that they teach him the value of working towards a goal. To him it's just fun.

Is your child not interested in puzzles? Don't fret. I can tell you that I'm especially happy with my son's interest in puzzles because I was never interested in them as a child. The key when trying to encourage an interest is to find something the child finds irresistible. In Brandon's case it's animals. In your child's case it could be cars, princesses, castles, dragons, a character, etc. etc. There are always puzzles that will hold the child's interest. Further, if she's not ready now, she may find it great fun in a couple of months. Children grow and change all the time. Sometimes the toy they passed over just weeks ago will now be their favorite. Just put it away and take it out again in a month or two. You may be surprised. It also helps to first introduce your child to it by playing with him. They love playing and interacting with their favorite people in the whole world. What better way to build relationships and enhance quality time by finishing a puzzle together? You may be surprised to find yourself enjoying yourself and be challenged as well. I know I was.