Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Rough Spots

I had my baby ten days after my last post. She's beautiful! I forget how newborns smell, the adorable things that they do. My son is learning all these things. He's learning how to take care of her, how to bathe her, to be very gentle (told about a five hundred and seventy-five times a day), to wait, to have someone's needs come before his own. He's four, and a big boy now, as he's fond of saying.

The first month since my baby girl was born was really hard. The adjustment as a family was as hard as I expected, but in different ways than I expected. I wasn't the nice, kind, patient Mama I used to daydream about when in my third trimester. Postpartum hormones and new stresses put a damper on my moods and I regret many things I said and a few I've done. However, we learn from these situations too, and I find myself constantly learning. My son has already moved on, but of course it takes me longer to process all the details of the first month and my mind loves to rewind and even do slow-motions. Sound familiar?

That notwithstanding, now we're doing much better. The cliched light at the end of the tunnel is illuminating our path once again. We have emerged as a new family, not only intact, but with a new link on the chain. Brandon is not only learning his ABCs, pre-math, pre-writing, writing, art, music and a myriad of other subjects as he lives and explores throughout the day, but he's learning to share his Mama, to love a sibling, to cope with feelings never before felt and most of all, to grow as a person. He knows he's unconditionally loved, but I don't count on it. My goal is to every day let him know that there's nobody like him in this world to me, and there never will be. I will also do the same with my new baby. If I have accomplished that, I know I will have had a good day.